The Traditional Catholic Weeb Speaks: Close Encounter With A Rukia Fangirl

Logistical reasons aside, the reason why, to this day, I refuse to watch Bleach is because I have a forlorn hate for Rukia Kuchiki, the show’s female protagonist; despite the fact that I have never been able to stomach a single full episode or season. You might wonder why this might be the case. Well: imagine you’re a high school kid who holds onto a crush on a girl who you know is a complete weeb, and, as you would later find out, the aforementioned character is her favorite. Throughout your entire freshman year, you and her are on good terms, and she even makes friends with your circle. Suddenly, with no apparent reason, she completely turns on you and treats you like an outcast, and continues on this trend all the way until your graduation.

It’s not every day that I choose to write a personal story like this, especially considering that I wish to stay anonymous here. However, Doug Ford’s incompetence with handling the COVID farce in Ontario, coupled with my gradually relaxed work hours, has left me a lot of room to reflect on my life, especially this episode. I thought, given the scope of things, I might as well share my own close encounter with a Rukia fangirl – one which would give me grief over the next three and a half years of my high school life.

BACKGROUND

Before I move on the story part, let me just briefly discuss how I came to associate Rukia with said crush. Sometime in the eleventh grade, I was surfing on the Internet and happened to come across a Tumblr page that, to my shock, belonged to said person – pictures she posted there would confirm this too. Reading through it became a guilty pleasure of mine, as I waded for hours upon hours of her own personal ramblings, gifs from anime and Les Miserables, and it was here that I learned about Rukia Kuchiki via her fascination with Bleach – especially the Ichigo/Rukia ship. Come to think of it, it does make sense – Rukia’s personality as far as I could understand, was similar to hers; she carried a laptop bag with her character starting in the tenth grade, and her Tumblr page was somewhat dominated with said character’s fanart. Evem though she also liked other franchises such as Code Geass, Ace Attorney, and consumed Disney/Marvel like crazy, I will always associate Rukia with her, and a movie depicting the saga that would follow this section would play right before my eyes, à la Amadeus.

NINTH GRADE: WHEN I JUST HAD MET HER

Note: All names in this piece are entirely fictionalized, to protect their identities, with one (technical) exception: that of the Rukia fangirl, who I will call Elizabeth (her actual middle name). Additionally, all the events of the story are condensed for the sake of brevity in this blog post, and are based on what I can remember from that time.

I first met Elizabeth at my ninth grade homeroom class, which was a computer graphics class at my high school, where we learned the basics of HTML and CSS to make simple websites (Javascript was conspicuously left out of the picture…). Compared to how much knowledge I have regarding industry-level web development, it was peanuts, but that’s beyond the scope of this story. In our first day of class we were gathered in two circular rows, with the inner row rotating every few minutes. It was here that my first conversation with her came about. Introducing herself to me as a Filipino girl who liked anime a lot, and was trilingual in English, Tagalog, and Japanese (yes, her uncle taught her enough tidbits to make her fluent), she would always carry a black laptop bag around with her, and was a complete tomboy. Throughout the two semesters of that year, this was the only class we shared, but our lockers were close to each other, so we still managed to have a couple of conversations here and there. Even in the hallways we would say hello to each other; usually she’d be the one to initiate contact.

Her cheerfulness and easygoing attitude was something I always looked forward to when school started. One day, I learned she was participating in a multicultural talent show, where she would perform You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban, in Japanese; I went to see that show myself, and was quite impressed by her rendition. She also made her love of cosplay easily obvious as well; on some days, when our school would let us wear normal clothes instead of uniforms to class, she’d be cosplaying an anime character or something. (Ironically, it would also be from her that I learned about Anime North, which I would only attend five years later) I found myself growing a crush on her. I kept it mostly to myself though, because I was smart enough not to try and jeopardize our current acquaintanceship. That changed, however, on the very last day of ninth grade. After we got our exam results back, and we prepared to close off the first quarter of high school, Elizabeth and I met each other outside of the school, where, just as we parted ways, I wished her to have a good summer. Out of the blue, do you know what happened? She turned around and gave me a hug, and wished me likewise. It was the only time she would ever offer that gesture to me.

My perception of her went from “innocent crush” to “potential girlfriend” within a matter of seconds. That was probably my first mistake. Though we didn’t see each other during the summer break in between, things didn’t really change in the first few days after tenth grade started. We still said hello to each other in the hallways, and although we didn’t share any classes or locker proximities, life seemed good back then. My goal that year was to try and start a relationship with her, and perhaps work out our own differences from there; my second mistake.

TENTH GRADE: REQUIEM FOR A DREAM

Tenth grade changed the entire landscape between us, especially in the days leading up to September 30. A few days prior, my religion class and hers went on a “religious” class retreat, where she, I, and four other individuals shared a table. I remember that there was a discussion about the evils of abortion in that lecture, and that for the most part our interactions were still relatively normal. All of a sudden, on that September 30, our usual hello’s in the hallways ceased to be, and she’d act coldly towards me whenever our eyes locked. Nothing more than a single nod of acknowledgement replaced it, and our conversations, if any, would last several seconds. It was strange to me, especially considering that just a few days prior I was talking with her outside her first-period auto shop classroom and not a single hint of derision was present. Not a single explanation was given as to this change in atmosphere.

For months I continued to hold out hope that maybe this was just temporary, and that things would fix itself. After all, last year, I teased her about her love for anime which earned her to reply, “I’m ignoring you” – which she kept true for a week, only to hop back to normal after that; so maybe this was a repeat of that incident; barring the fact that I never made such a reference at all prior to this occasion. Well, days turned to months, and no sign of our usual hallway hello’s were making any rounds. To add insult to injury, she seemed to be growing closer to another boy in my grade, Leroy, who was part of her inner circle. Some days, when I would be walking home from school, I would see them on the same route with each other, laughing at God knows what they were talking about. I was jealous at Leroy for being closer to her than I was, but even more with Elizabeth: if she didn’t want to associate with me in the first place, why lead me on for a greater half of the year, and then drop without any explanation?

Whenever I’d see her, she would be at her locker with friends, or headed to her next class; the only time I ever saw her outside of school hours that year was at the same multicultural talent show as last year, where she sang an anime song (I recently learned it was Sakura Rock from Kateyko Hitman Reborn) with another friend. Trying to patch up things with her seemed like a hassle, and I began to grow weary at having to deal with her mind games. It was around this time that I started turning to God for help. I know, it seems a bit vain, but at that time, I was lost at what to do. I remember praying the St. Jude novena every evening, asking the patron of lost causes to intercede on my behalf, hoping that my relationship with Elizabeth could change, and for her and Leroy to not become boyfriend/girlfriend.

In retrospect, I should have taken the advice of my fourth-period classmate Chang, and moved on from her instead of holding out. That was my biggest mistake, and you’ll see later why I regret it. While she grew closer with some of my friends, including my best one from middle school, considering the fact that they shared an English class together, the both of us continued to drift apart.

ELEVENTH GRADE: I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES

Eleventh grade more or less started off where tenth grade left off. I was still romantically confused with respect to her. Some notable things happened that year, though. For one thing, we were seeing each other more often outside of school hours; in particular, at my school’s first semester Cafe Night talent show, and later on in May during a musical show, in the midst of the Stanley Cup playoff frenzy. As I mentioned before too, I found her Tumblr page and found myself immersed into the inner recesses of her mind. One day, when me and a friend went to greet her a happy birthday in November, she gave me a hug indiscriminately; she would later repeat this again near the end of the first semester, just after I wished her to have a great Christmas break. I also began to notice that she and Leroy weren’t hanging out by themselves as much as they used to the previous year. Rather, as I would later learn, Leroy was dating another girl. I know, because I was there to personally witness him kissing her while walking to class. It was probably the happiest day of my life; when they were out of sight I threw myself up in the air victoriously; God had answered my prayers, and I knew He had orchestrated it to give me some calm in this matter.

Needless to say, my relationship with Elizabeth was still at a standstill. Sometimes, after school, she and her friends would buddy up with mine and discuss about things like the latest Marvel movie. For some reason, she would always leave me out of the picture during such conversations, and around this time my admiration for her evolved into an outright hatred towards her, though I kept it to myself. The turning point came one day, when I finally built up the courage to confront her about the elephant in the room while she was waiting outside her math class. I asked her if she was avoiding me and why, and the only response she could muster up was a dumbfounded look, and “Huh?” as her reply. Just then, her friend showed up, and she redirected her attention to her instead. To this day I still don’t know why it took me this long, but eventually I had enough of her nonsense and decided, “Forget it” – wishing to have nothing to do with her any longer. Once eleventh grade ended in June, I was no longer having a crush on her.

TWELFTH GRADE AND BEYOND: A BEAUTIFUL DAY

By the grace of God, my crush on Elizabeth was practically non-existent once senior year rolled around. I mostly had come to accept the fact that we weren’t meant for each other, and focused on other things. After learning from her Tumblr that she was, indeed, in love with her best friend from childhood, and not Leroy, I was pretty much at peace. We never said hello to each other anymore, and quite frankly I was comfortable with adjusting to that, seeing how I was no longer crushing on her. All the tension that was between us in the tenth grade was pretty much consigned to history and I ended up focusing on other things, such as ranting on the failures of the Toronto Maple Leafs, and trying to get accepted to university for computer science. I had my friends to credit for keeping me distracted from her, and I still remember the various games of President and Cheat we played at the lunch table to this day.

The next time I would have a conversation with Elizabeth, in fact, would be after the graduation ceremony. While I was preparing to leave, out of the blue she greeted me enthusiastically – the first time she did that in years! – and I reluctantly accepted to get into a picture with her. Even more recently, the last conversation I had with her after high school was at Anime North in 2016. While waiting for my friends, clad in a heavy Roman Catholic cardinal costume, I heard a couple of voices calling out for my name: and running up to me was Elizabeth, who was cosplaying Marvel’s Jessica Jones. I still remember the conversation to this day. I asked her how she was able to recognize me in my costume, and she told me it was because she could recognize my hairline. We had a short discussion about what we were cosplaying, and were up to at the con, before drifting off to continue whatever we were up to.

Really though, I probably should have told her off based on how she snaked me back in high school – as if I could ever forget it.

CONCLUSION

And that’s pretty much it. Sure, seven years have passed since I graduated from high school, and although I’ve forgiven her in the spirit of Christian charity, time unfortunately can’t heal the scars she left behind. What’s funny is that on some days, on my way home from work (particularly two years ago), I’ll even see her on the same bus as I am, though we don’t really make an effort to recognize each other and talk anymore; it’s probably for the best. I don’t know if she remembers me at all, and quite frankly, some days I wish I never got to know her at all. I’m glad that God helped me realize that she wasn’t the person for me. From what I know, she’s become a hardcore left-winger and I’m a Traditionalist Catholic; the only place you’d find these two together would be in a Twitter argument, not a romantic relationship. Alas, God has His reasons for merging two snowballs together, and whatever that might be I probably will never find out.

I wish I never I spent too much time crushing on her. At the same time I was doing such, there was a Vietnamese girl who would take Elizabeth’s place in being the one to greet me in the hallways, wouldn’t mind having a conversation with me, and took interest in what I had to say. In fact, objectively speaking, compared to Elizabeth, she was much prettier than her, and was a lot more proper (still somewhat tomboyish, but not extreme as the latter). Not to mention as well, I had a good history with her, dating all the way back to September 30, 2009 – when I was in eighth grade and she was in the seventh. Quite frankly, I loved her, but never bothered to deal with it until the 5th of May, on the feast of Pope St. Pius V seven years ago, when I came to realize this simple fact, just as I was on the cusp of graduating from high school. I rekindled that feeling of love way too late, and it’s one of my biggest regrets (alongside this debacle). But that’s another story for another time. Well, maybe.

9 thoughts on “The Traditional Catholic Weeb Speaks: Close Encounter With A Rukia Fangirl

  1. Interesting story, thanks for sharing. I did a lot of dumb things when it came to girls in high school, but I can’t say I crushed on one person for the whole four years. Was there ever anyone else or was it always just her?

    I will pray for your safety from tyrannical government. From what I’ve read about, that seems much more dangerous than any flu. And personally I’m skeptical of a rushed out “vaccine” that doesn’t even meet the traditional definition of one. Not sure where you stand on that but be careful!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hiya Yomu! 😃

      Thank you very much for the prayers, they are much appreciated! I will likewise do the same for you as well. Yes, the lockdowns definitely leave a bad taste in many ways than one: the suspension of fun, the breakdown of friendships, and some bad mental health related issues that can’t be ignored. It’s spooky these days. 😱 I can see that Japan is handling this a lot differently than Canada.

      Re: vaccine – I am not a doctor so I don’t have any opinion on that. However, all my family members who got it that I know of seem to have taken it and are fine so far, so I pray it continues to be that way.

      Anyways: just to clarify I did not crush on her all four years. I stopped during eleventh grade. I moved on to two other girls after that debacle; both of them were tomboy-leaning from what I know.

      – The daughter of a family that my parents are well-acquainted with; an even bigger tomboy than Elizabeth. Likes hockey, mountain climbing, and was part of my school’s advanced program.
      – The aforementioned Vietnamese girl I mentioned at the end is the one I switched to last, and currently have a crush on. We had the same class in middle school and I still see her occasionally even after high school, although not frequently 😥. I don’t even know if I wanna go further with that one.

      Hope these helped! 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Gotcha. Good luck with that. Do you have her phone number or Facebook or anything like that? Might be best to just ask her out, even if it’s in a more indirect way. Although, I guess going to restaurants and whatnot isn’t a thing right now over there huh…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yeah unfortunately a walk in the park is the only “acceptable” thing these days. I’m probably gonna do the latter, the thing is I often see her while she’s working so I have no certain idea how to ask for her number without looking awkward.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Thoughts!

    1. Don’t worry about you looking awkward, if she likes you it’ll probably work to your advantage, so long as the situation is not also embarassing for her… We females are a bit odd that way!
    2. Suggestion of Novena: I suggest praying a novena for ‘Elizabeth’, because even if you’re over her in terms of being a crush, ‘time unfortunately can’t heal the scars she left behind’ – Jesus can. Job had his fortunes restored after praying for the friends who did nothing but undermine him in the midst of his troubles, there’s something in that . I think there would be something freeing in just praying for her… besides which, if she’s now a hardcore left winger she probably needs it! Perhaps you do already, just a thought…
    3. Novena suggestion #2: St. Therese’s parents. Ask them for an opportune moment and the grace to recognise it. Especially since say you’re not sure whether or not you want to go further with it, ask for clarity regarding God’s Will. After both had failed attempts at religious life, they passed on a bridge and Zelie heard an interior voice telling her this was who God had prepared for her from all eternity… God has a plan, I think they’ll help you find and follow it. Maybe get St. Raphael in on that one too…

    That’s the main things came to me, during the Rosary after reading the blog entry. Take it or leave it, either way God bless and keep you and Mary take you under Her mantle and guide you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Máire,

      Thank you for the novena suggestions and advice, I really appreciate it! 😃 I’ve never thought St. Therese’s parents as an option, but I’ll definitely look into it.

      Don’t worry, I moderate comments but I usually approve them if they’re not vulgar, blasphemous or potentially scandalous for others.

      God bless you as well and I will keep you in my prayers!

      Liked by 1 person

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